Back

It has been a while since I've written. I guess this is the place where I go, when I feel like there's nowhere I can go.

Kind of sad, really. You deserve to hear also the happy times. But that feels like such a long time ago. More than a year, to be exact. Don't get me wrong, I am happy. You're not buying any of it, are you?

Well, I wouldn't either. But trust me when I say that I'm happy. Compared to what I've felt in the past - this is happy. Not extatic, but normal happiness.

The guy that I thought had broken me into pieces - I told him that I didn't want to see him anymore. The thing is though - did he get the message?

I just feel like my world is still upside down and I have NO idea how to flip it back. On the one hand I finally realize what's important in life, but on the other hand I have no clue how to find him.

Hope the prayer my heart makes every night will be heard one of these days. That my mind will finally find peace and that my heart blooms of fire.

Ever yours,

V

Hypocrites

God! I'm soooooo tired of girls who seem to have no other goal in life than to make other people feel bad about themselves. Definately, when the bullied-ones are those who give their all to make other people happy! When are those girls finally going to grow up? I thought I'd left high school, I suppose I haven't. :s

I'm sorry for this angry message. Just need to say that. Just needed a place to scream.

Love, V

Wanted: a fairy god mother

Goodbye: this time for good?

Fighting for myself

Update

Hi everyone,

Lots has happened since my last entry. I imagine that from now on there will be more frequently. I thought I'd finally found that guy. He was sweet, kind, attentive, selfless...

But I feel like such a fool now. Everything has changed. I guess it's just another repetition of the classic story of the naive girl who believed that love could be great.

We fight now all the time. It's feels like we're stuck with cuffs around our pulses. But we seemed to do everything to get out. Are we just scared? And scared of what? Pain, hurt? It doesn't feel that way at my side. After everything that has happened I still love him. Which I shouldn't as he can't care for me. I'm wrong in every way. I am from a different background. I am a freaking romantic with big dreams. I simply care too much. Losing this possibility hurts less than having to lose him.

What I don't understand is why he always comes back to me? You might think that if he does this he must care for me in someway. No other guy I know would be doing this. But why? And why does he always want to keep the flame alive, but never too much alive?

GOD GIVE ME AN ANSWER!!! I wish I could make everything right, but I'm afraid we have astrayed too much from the path we once walked on. Can we ever find our way back?

Please. Someone. Help me.

Love, Vero

Grateful

I guess I should be grateful. Except for my lovelife (surprise, surprise), my life is finally going pretty well. I feel more welcome with my old friends. I get the seminars that I want and I get a compliment almost every day at my internship. However, as I am a hopeless romantic to the core, I still feel a whole in my life. It's not getting any bigger, which would be a good thing if I could imagine the possibillity.

The next video describes exactly how I feel. Weird, as I normally hate (no offense) dance music like this.

Love, V

Never good enough

Landing on the moon

Tomorrow is D-day. My very first step in the world of film making. It's just one step. But I'm terrified to screw it up. I keep telling myself to pull it together and that I'll do just fine. Technically, it's not even the first day. I've been to the breakdown. So. But it's the first time I'm on some sort of duty. I wonder if Neil Armstrong felt this way when he first stepped into that spaceship so many years ago. I doubt it.

I think he was more down to earth. After all he said: "That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind," when he had set foot on the moon. Not when he began his training at NASA.

But then again, he set a step for all mankind. Not only for himself.

Wish me luck. Love, Vero

Lonely

Almost in LA

Arms wide open to live the dream

This one's for you and me
Living out our dreams
We're right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide
I open my eyes
And now all I wannna see
Is a sky full of lighters, a sky full of lighters

;) Love, V

PS Sorry it has been a while. I know. But believe me, I need this.

But who is the right you??

Lock up wanted

Just to be clear; I've absolutely no disire to be kidnapped or anything of that kind. I just want to get away from my reality with fake friends and no love.

Love, V

Set fire to the rain

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass,

but about learning how to dance in the rain.

Love and yours truly,

Vero

Dissapointed

Today I didn't pass for my theoretical exam to drive. You know what the worst about it all was? When I came home I had expected for my mom to console me. Instead she looked at me like I was stupid and said it was only right that my sister would laugh at me. What kind of mother is she???

Love, V

Fake?

Just watched the social network. Mark Zuckerberg is definately a genius. But it definately makes me wonder about the reality of things. It seems to me that reality and things that are real become a rarity, scarse. Facebook and other social network sites give new opportunities to be fake.

But why are people acting fake, producing fake handbags of Gucci, A&F, Chanel,... Fake tans... To protect themselves? To be entertained? To get the attention of that one person your afraid you'll never be accepted by if you are just yourself?

What are we doing? Maybe it's just something Human? For centuries people have been acting. Shakespeare couldn't have been more right to say that life is a stage.

I want to become a filmmaker. Partially to take people on a journey, but also to make them see things they need to see to get somewhere. I do NOT mean to deceive people or to take advantage. That would be the very last thing I'd want.

I feel like being stuck between two opposites - on the one hand I want to see the real stuff. But then again, when things get hard fantasy and fakeness offer me the escape I need.

I guess they both have their goods and bads...

see you guys later - love and peace,

Veronica

Road to fame

7 days till Turkey!!

The plan

Everyone has a plan - or so it seems! :p  Mine is getting more shaped every day. I'll give you the keypoints in a THINGS TO DO LIST:

1. MOST IMPORTANT: BE HAPPY!
2. FAMILY
3. GOOD HEALTH
4. KICK A.S.S. MY INTERNSHIPS
5. LEARN EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT MOVIES
6. ENGLISH UPGRADE
7. DRIVING LICENSE
8. FINDING THE LOVE OF MY LIFE
9. BECOME PRODUCER/DIRECTOR/SCREENWRITER AFTER LFS
10. LIVE IN LONDON
11. BE SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT IN THIS WORLD
12. CHANGE SOMEONE'S LIFE

That's it for now. But I'm sure more will come! You can count on that! ;)

Love always, V